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So that's something I can't say is good or bad. These same principles have helped build strong, successful religious communities for thousands of years. I would show her this recent post for example: Her family will also be thinking about this and will talk to you about it when you spend time with them.
As the patriarchal leader, it will be up to you to figure it out and to dispel her unrealistic fantasies. All parent-child relationships do. What upsets me most is that he didn't realize it was my birthday, or a big one and then that his reaction was to get defensive about his plans rather than offer an alternative for celebrating with me. This is a very delicate territory, so tread carefully. It's a fairly new relationship and I don't want to jump to any conclusions.